Every morning when I awaken, usually by 5:30 or so, one of the first things I do is read my morning paper... in this case The Gazette. It's a small thing, usually ridiculously so, and therefore it doesn't take long to get to the final part I read, the obits. In my lifetime of reading the daily obits - and I guess I do so because I lost my parents at such a young age - I have only been shocked into numbness a few times. Once was when I was in my early twenties and I read that my next door neighbour, a senior Mr. Cassidy whom I had just been gabbing with two days earlier, died following cararact surgery.
But nothing compares to the sadness that is washing over me now as I relate how much of an impact Ellen Joy Cohen made on so many lives. I just read her obit about 30 minutes ago and I am still reeling. In her mid-forties or so, Ellen succumbed to something (I have no idea what) that followed her surgery and treatment for breast cancer about 16 months ago. She was always so upbeat and in our last communication late last year, she sounded amazing. I had no idea she was sick again, which makes this even more of a shock.
Ellen entered my sphere of influence when I learned she was making wigs for , and doing the hair of, people who were terminally ill. I interviewed her for my column, we had lunch that day in Westmount and I remember she brought a few of her wigs and a dummy head along, which I used in the photo I took of her. She would often, she told me, crawl into bed with her clients to do their hair, if the afflicted party was too sick to move. She believed in letting sick people live out whatever time they had left with dignity and with women especially, having dirty hair, or worse, no hair, deprived them of that.
I was very moved by our meeting and by this incredible young woman, who had a busy life but nontheless made her two young sons her biggest project always. She was divorced from a guy who sounds like a real gem of a man (facitiously stated), but rather than allowing bitterness to swallow her up, she found the light and moved on. Ellen always found the light. I have rarely if ever met anyone so positive, so caring about other people.
Our meeting was in May, 2008. In late June or early July, she confided in me that a lump in her breast was cancerous. She had surgery, took her treatments and optimistically reported that she had beaten it a year later... or so it appeared. She asked me if I could do another column on her, as a pick-me-up for others going through the same thing (Ellen always thought of others first) and I told her it would be better to find a columnist with much wider reach. I recommended Mike Boone at The Gazette and two weeks later, the always eminently engaging Boone published a column on Ellen that was quite terrific.
Ellen and I last emailed one another sometime in December and she sounded good. Till I opened my morning paper today, I thought she was. Now, as I plan to attend her funeral tomorrow, I am flabbergasted and sad. I cannot believe this world has lost such a fine woman... and that her sons, both under 10, I believe, have lost their mom. Boys, you will grow to learn how very special she was and I am so sorry for your loss, a sentiment I offer her parents as well. What a daughter she must have been.
Rest in peace, Ellen, and I will miss you. Wherever you are, I have no doubt that the light is shining on you.
How moving.....
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